Poem: Meet Me There

Meet me where the mother cries over her Son
And the Father touches the finger of the first son
Meet me where passion fills every inch of atmosphere
And the artistry of marble, gold, and the greats stands centuries old
As the understanding of pure beauty starts to take root
And peace starts to make sense

Meet me where saffron touches gold
And chants lead to intersession
Meet me where the sapphires shimmer
And the breeze feels like a sweet breath against your cheek
As silk moves beneath your feet
And all worries float off to no more

Meet me where the children know much of lack
And despite their poverty they know great joy
Meet me where dust fills the air on a dry day
And hiking for hours means nothing as long as Truth is heard
As dedication despite difficulty becomes a sign of character
And you know you were meant to meet me there...

Cosmic Joke?

Since Valentine’s Day I’ve been wondering if the romantic area of my life has been the brunt of some cosmic joke. The next couple of sentences will give you a small glimpse of what I mean. Getting text messages from the man I turned down about the man I turned him down for asking if everything was okay between the man I turned him down for and myself. Writing back and forth with my first serious crush (3 years long) on that same day catching up as friends. Going on something that kind of turned out to be a date on Sunday after thinking a bunch of people were going to go out for a nice afternoon in D.C. It ended up being just myself and that other friend. Hanging out with another friend Monday night to find out that he had feelings for me not too long ago and it looks like they still might be there. Getting a call yesterday from another someone who barely knows me asking me out for dinner to later disclose that he “liked” me after my telling him that I didn’t think dinner was a good idea. He asked me to pray about things and for a variety of reasons there’s no need to pray about it. “I’m sorry, but no.” It all leaves me wondering, what the heck?

To the average person, this may seem fun and maybe entertaining. But, I don’t. It seems like every time I get comfortable in being single, men just seem to come out of nowhere. Feelings get unearthed and/or romantic opportunities are wanting to be explored. There are two reasons why this bothers me at present. One, I am genuinely interested in only one man. He knows who he is, but for some reason or another wants to see other people while dating. I’m not okay with that and do feel hurt that he would think I would be okay with that given how much he knows about my past and how long he’s known me and had feelings for me. My heart is incredibly sensitive and I would have hoped for something different given our circumstances of mutual interest and the length of time that interest has been there. The second reason why other men showing interest bothers me is that I don’t think there’s any real chance and I hate to say no and be blunt about my lack of romantic feelings for them. And I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to date anyone who doesn’t have the potential for a long and possibly life long future with me. The whole “go on date and let him down easy” is especially not appealing now. And I’m not in the practice of leading anyone on, nor have I ever been.

It feels like I’m in the middle of some joke with all the unnecessary romantic attention coming from the wrong people. Not to mention how the only person I would date wants to see other people and doesn’t seem to want to make time to hang out if it isn’t a date by his definition. I wonder if on that last note, the Irish stubbornness is rearing its little red head. Yeah, we both have Irish blood running through us. Go figure...

So if I was up for games, there are a lot of people I could be dating all at the same time. But that's just not me; it never has been nor will it ever be. I truly value my heart and the hearts of others which means not leading them on at all. Such integrity seems to have been lost and/or extremely rare. I thought that I had finally found someone with the same integrity, but maybe that was just a myth. Only time will really tell.

Poem: That Week and Onward

An admittance of surprise
With admission to reciprocate
And the years that passed drifted into now
Sweet and innocent admiration
Went unspoken hidden by time
Now brought to air
The cloak that hid now removed
A loving gaze
A kind word
Honesty, integrity
Much laughter
Silly and serious inquiries
Words that should have had way long ago
But for time, others, and other things
You were silent and thus was I
And now those words had their space
I stand apart from that time
That week
Remembering the beauty of your soul in its unabashed honesty
Tasting the creativity of your culinary skills
Gentle, humble service
Seeing fire in your eyes
Feeling tenderness in your embrace
Knowing my heart was in the presence of a kindred soul
Unlike a farce that fooled from the past
We were real and unafraid then
Or at least other things showed to be brighter
More believable and true than fear
But timing is a beast and emotions confusing
Things that lead us to part again
If only momentarily
Only for this moment may we tarry
I hope…
Until time aligns
And the sediment of being shaken settles
Enough to see His footprints walking through that week, those years
And onward

Touching the Heart

Okay, so if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a romantic, a die hard one if you will. And I tend to wear my heart on my sleve especially through my writing if you haven't found that one out yet either. So here's a moment where I show my romantic side in relation to God--who by the way is the ultimate romantic in my opinion.

While I was driving home from Anappolis today I was randomly flipping through the radio. I stoped on some random station and started to tune it out until Lenny Kravitz's song "I'll be Waiting" came on. And if you know Kravitz, he knows how to rock out. Well, I listened to the lyrics and it was as if God was singing the song to me. It depicts unconditional love.

The lyrics read as follows:


He broke your heart
He took your soul
You're hurt inside
Because there's a hole
You need some time
To be alone
Then you will find
What you always know

I'm the one who really loves you baby
I've been knocking at your door

As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there

I've seen you cry
Into the night
I feel your pain
Can I make it right
I realized there's no end inside
Yet still I'll wait
For you to see the light

I'm the one who really loves you baby
I can't take it anymore

As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there

You are my only I've ever known
That makes me feel this way
Couldn't on my own
I want to be with you until we're old

You have the love you need right in front of you
Please come home

As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there

............................................
I wish I had more time to write this post. But maybe this is just one instalment about God's uncondtional love. Maybe more will be added to this post or other posts on the topic will pop up soon in the future, so stay tuned. Have a great night and know that He loves you and I do too :)

Seeking to undestand God's love more and to grow in loving others more,
Kyera

On a Romantic Note, I'm Letting things Settle...

More often than not I come to this page with nothing in particular to post. It's not until the "Create" link is clicked and things just start to flow...

I think it was yesterday morning when the question of geek or artist came to mind. If you're wondering what I mean, I'll be a little more specific. I tend to gravitate towards both types of people and even more specifically men that are artists and men that are wicked smart a.k.a. "geeks." It's rare to find men that are both, but most of the men that I've dated long term have been a combination of the two. Some have been more artistic than geeky and others have been more geeky than artistic, but for me it seems to be quite a good combo. Other women can keep the super hot guys that treat them like crap. (I'll take a cute geek over them any day, hands down ;)

And then after the artist geek question, I for some reason started wondering if I'd ever really been in love. And then I thought about my ex Antoine. It's not that I can say I think I totally understand love or have come anywhere close to how deep I believe true love can and should be, but he was the closest thing I've ever known to that. Yes despite all the crap that went on, I can still say that. I guess that's a testament to our relationship.

Well last Tuesday he left a comment to a post I wrote here on a online community he and I are both a part of called called Jaiku. It was a nice and encouraging little message. And today since I hadn't checked his blog in a while and I was bored in class, I used my PDA and UMCP's handy dandy WiFi to check and see if he'd posted anything recently. Like normal, he had. He knows that I'm not too into tech like he is, but that I like to read his more personal posts and his poetry (Poetry is what brought us together in the first place. He was a featured poet at a Christian cafe I went to so many years ago.) So, I read a poem that he wrote on Tuesday January 31st. It reads as follows:

Poem: A Dream

Eyes, closed
Day, bright
Standing, waiting, walking towards
Hand, held
Vows, made
Turning, hoping, living right

Eyes, teared
Loud, sounds
Sorrow, mourning, loving no more
Hands, loosed
Happiness, left
Eyes opening, two dreams over.
---------------------

I found it ironic how he wrote the poem the same day he read and commented on my post "Coming to the Other Side." And I have to admit, yes his poem did make me cry. Don't ask me why because I can't fully explain it other than his brief and simple poem summarizes years, many of my adult years. No, I'm not still "in love" with him; his words were just very poignant and true--so I was moved.

On a much different note and change of subject but still along romantic lines is the person I have also known for years. He's the one I last wrote of in "That's Why I Keep a Journal" and due to various circumstances, things are on the back burner. I think it's best for the both of us for the time being. And as I guard my heart, I hope that he sees and understands that I want to guard his too. Time is a good and never hurts anything...Geezzz if I had only learned that lesson a while ago, I would have saved myself a lot of tears. But life's a learning process and I'm grateful that God continues to give me people to learn from and grow with.

Well, that's all I have for now. Thanks for reading and stopping by.

Love and hugs to you,
Kyera

That's Why I Keep a Journal

Hello again and welcome to the airing out of my thoughts. There's something that's just beautiful about the writing process in that it's always organized the things that seem to only run in circles in the process of thought. Even now I don't know how much can be fully unveiled here since this is a public sphere and not a private journal.

But, there are just some things I don't understand... How can someone can pull you so close and then push you so far away without warning or explanation? How much time should be given as a means of space before taking a lack of communication as a means of silent rejection?

These are just some of the things that have been weighing on me...

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to take a risk and put my heart on the line for someone. I did it because he fits much of what I've ever wanted in someone. Who knows if that was a good or bad choice? The verdict is still not in. So I am still left with these thoughts and other thoughts, most of which I will not share here. Sometimes private thoughts are best kept private. That's why I keep a journal.

~Kyera