Poem: The Switch

Is this where I can breathe
Without you without them
No longer romantic thoughts to receive
I found the switch somewhere back there
The part to turn off the heart
To stop thinking and wondering where
No more wondering where to start
When the time is right
This heart will go back on
When there is no longer need to fight
No longer need of question where things went wrong

Good Bye to a Friend...

I have avoided this page for quite some time today, but come here as a refuge and come to meet my second love, writing. My thoughts have not strayed far from today and momentary tears of this morning. A friendship has been lost, totally lost. After years of knowing him, and trying and what seemed to be a mutual effort towards friendship, I received news that my presence constantly reopens wounds that I thought were long healed. So here's to the complete loss of one of the most influential people in my life, Antoine Wright. I had hoped it would never come to this; but as I've learned over the past year, sometimes my hopes are just too high.

Just yesterday morning, I had thought of including him in the dedication of my book along with my Mother and a certain professor, Dr. Beverly Skinner, since these people have had the greatest impact on my adult years. From my Mother, I have learned that what was once a tumultuous relationship can blossom into one of the most beautiful and fulfilling of familial ties. From Dr. Skinner, I was given the freedom to explore and encouraged to find my own voice in the writing world. And from Antoine, I have learned the greatest complexities of love as well as its limits. Whether or not I'll still include him in the dedication or not will be decided upon later. But one thing is true, one of the characters is inspired by him.

And though at times I have wanted to erase my memory of him and the pain of which he caused; I must admit that my relationship with him did in part mold me into the woman that I now am. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have this blog since he was the first one to encourage me to make my writing available to the public while we were still engaged. I wouldn't have the appreciation for HHH (Holy Hip Hop) that I do now. I also wouldn't have seen the web as a "real" community worth reaching out to, befriending, and ministering unto. And not that I could ever be an expert on race, but he also allowed me to peer into another culture and was greatly influential in my better understanding of it. These are just a few things that come to mind.

So with these and other things in mind, I reluctantly say good bye to a friend. It was never my hope that things would come to this, but honor him I will.

Poem: I Knew You

I knew you, tasted you, knew you back there
Only memories that occasionally dance in dreams to care
Moving on, packing up, no more tears to spare
No more lost dreams to mourn
Even if when I wake my dreams you have just worn
No longer my heart left torn
Now my dreams have been reborn, embraced, no longer forlorn
And now you lie comfortably near your own coast
And our love that was is no longer worth the boast
I knew you, tasted you, knew you back there

Poem: Missing You

I have followed the ways of your heart
Searching for understanding in prayer
Silently wondering how you are
Where your heart lies in between here and there
Between the certainty and the unknown
Time passes each day and I refrain
Wanting and seeing the purpose of space as a mutual thing
Tending to the heart and to books
Silence rests comfortably between you and I
Not a moment of regress or a calm before the storm
I wait here missing you
Looking at your picture often
Listening to your voice before I lay my head
Remembering the man beneath the pain
Telling myself this time is only brief
As books and blank pages stare begging for words and critique
I take a moment to let my heart have a word with you
As I wait here for the passing of time
I am missing you

P.S. For those of you who have been reading up on this blog for quite some time and have wondered where my prose entries have gone, don't worry they will return. I'm just too busy at the moment to put all that feel and think into complete sentences and well ordered paragraphs.