An Oddly Beautiful Gift

Concerning the issue of writing, I realize that this blog has been part of my inner struggles with a gift. Years ago I had a dream where a woman was going about her job and was presented a gift that looked oddly beautiful and unlike anything ever seen before. My father was the one who presented it to her and I was standing by his side. The woman looked at it and politely said, "Thanks." It was a random act of kindness and my father was happy to do it. As he stepped away, she just gave the gift a strage look, not rudely or disrespectfully, but she just didn't understand what he had just done. He looked a little disappointed and sad because she didn't "get it." And then I woke up.

After thinking about it and how a few times I've had dreams where my father has done something and I've been standing by his side; I thought that there had to be something more to the dream. Now believe me, I'm not one of those weird people that thinks there's a meaning behind every dream. But I do believe there's meaning behind some of them - the more vivid ones. I think everyone believes that to some degree or another.

Well, I think the woman who didn't understand the gift was actually representative of me, the woman I am now and have grown into being. The gift is a culmination of things I think I'm supposed to come into - things that I've been naturally gifted with that most people don't understand. Even I am still trying to understand those things. They're strange and different, but good and beautiful nonetheless. And part of that gift is writing, I've treated it wrecklessly and carelessly at times. I've been lazy with it and haven't taken it seriously at times. Accademic writing made me hate it for a period of time due to it's monotony. And at times, I've just plain ignored it. But it is a large part of who I am regardless of whether I'm writing privately of publically. It is a passion and a love that I cannot avoid though I don't know how to let it out at times.

I guess that's part of the odd beauty of all this. Just like you, I am still trying to understand and get a handle on this thing called writing. I am still figuring out who I am, so my personal and creative writing changes with that. And even more than writing, I'm still figuring out how to function and understand the total sum of that oddly beautiful gift...