I will say that I have waited
Wanted open doors to close
And closed doors to open
But nothing avails
Still I know silence
Searching behind the myth that parades as love
Trying to find what is real
Groping behind the veil
I am sad to say that I am blind
And even if you were to know me
That I wouldn't be ready
Or able to receive...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Compromise Kills, Point Blank
Over the past three months I feel like I've lived a couple of lives...
Back in February, I was living in VA in a pretty radical "Christian" community where gender roles were as old school as you could get. I put the word Christian in quotes because only after living there did I find out that it wasn't Christian at all. I'm not going to go into detail as to why and how I came to those conclusions because I'd rather not rehash all that; if you know me in person then you know why it wasn't. But hey, if an organization offers to pay for everything including further education if you teach for them, it starts to be pretty tempting. Not to mention their use of the Bible to support what they do and how they live is incredibly convincing. So don't knock me :P
Thus I go from living in this super conservative group where women pretty much just cook and clean to now being in corporate Americia with my "new" job. To think, I'm going golfing next Thursday with the company. I kind of want to laugh at myself for that one, ha, ha. I'll be blunt and honest, there's so much about me that's entirely anti-corporate America. The selfishness and the greed behind so much of it just turns my stomach. But hey, I've got to pay off those astronomical student loans for that top-of-the-line public university I went to since I wasn't on mommy or daddy's check book or credit card. Lucky me.
Okay enough with my rambling, you're already wondering...When's this chick going to get to her point? Well, the point of this post is not about how I escaped a crazy commune or even how hilarious and ironic I find it that I'm right smack in the middle of corporate America now. But the point of this post is how I've learned how compromise can kill any good thing.
About three weeks ago something happened, something that shouldn't have happened. Again, I have to be vague here out of decency and respect, sorry. But that something that happened, though it was painful, has taught me a very important lesson... Compromise can and will kill anything good. And it's really awful how numb we can sometimes be to learning and listening to God's heart on matters until it's just too late. We get too caught up in a moment and don't care of the aftermath. Our pride makes us careless with the future and also with each other. What a sad yet invaluable truth to learn...
Back in February, I was living in VA in a pretty radical "Christian" community where gender roles were as old school as you could get. I put the word Christian in quotes because only after living there did I find out that it wasn't Christian at all. I'm not going to go into detail as to why and how I came to those conclusions because I'd rather not rehash all that; if you know me in person then you know why it wasn't. But hey, if an organization offers to pay for everything including further education if you teach for them, it starts to be pretty tempting. Not to mention their use of the Bible to support what they do and how they live is incredibly convincing. So don't knock me :P
Thus I go from living in this super conservative group where women pretty much just cook and clean to now being in corporate Americia with my "new" job. To think, I'm going golfing next Thursday with the company. I kind of want to laugh at myself for that one, ha, ha. I'll be blunt and honest, there's so much about me that's entirely anti-corporate America. The selfishness and the greed behind so much of it just turns my stomach. But hey, I've got to pay off those astronomical student loans for that top-of-the-line public university I went to since I wasn't on mommy or daddy's check book or credit card. Lucky me.
Okay enough with my rambling, you're already wondering...When's this chick going to get to her point? Well, the point of this post is not about how I escaped a crazy commune or even how hilarious and ironic I find it that I'm right smack in the middle of corporate America now. But the point of this post is how I've learned how compromise can kill any good thing.
About three weeks ago something happened, something that shouldn't have happened. Again, I have to be vague here out of decency and respect, sorry. But that something that happened, though it was painful, has taught me a very important lesson... Compromise can and will kill anything good. And it's really awful how numb we can sometimes be to learning and listening to God's heart on matters until it's just too late. We get too caught up in a moment and don't care of the aftermath. Our pride makes us careless with the future and also with each other. What a sad yet invaluable truth to learn...
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Poem: Wallflower
Maybe you were a wallflower too
You never fit in entirely in any place, but you can fit in anywhere
You're smart enough to be respected by the geeks
Artistically gifted enough to be in with the musicians and artists
Believed in God enough to be secure, but always had issues with the cheesy and hypocritical scene that surrounded Him.
And the jocks could confide in you, because you posed no real threat
But mentally and emotionally
You were always on the fringes
Never really one or the other or really any of them
So you often felt outside of the crowd
Looking in like a flower on the wall
You never fit in entirely in any place, but you can fit in anywhere
You're smart enough to be respected by the geeks
Artistically gifted enough to be in with the musicians and artists
Believed in God enough to be secure, but always had issues with the cheesy and hypocritical scene that surrounded Him.
And the jocks could confide in you, because you posed no real threat
But mentally and emotionally
You were always on the fringes
Never really one or the other or really any of them
So you often felt outside of the crowd
Looking in like a flower on the wall
Poem: For the Artists
How can we be content
To fall between the cracks
And hide the precious under bowls
The world, the system, has crippled us GOD!
For food and money we lay our talents aside
To meerely exist
The dancer waits tables
The pianist does marketing
The writer sells insurance
What the hell is this?
Really...
How can we really display to the full extent
When weighed down by this forsaken state?
To fall between the cracks
And hide the precious under bowls
The world, the system, has crippled us GOD!
For food and money we lay our talents aside
To meerely exist
The dancer waits tables
The pianist does marketing
The writer sells insurance
What the hell is this?
Really...
How can we really display to the full extent
When weighed down by this forsaken state?
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Poem: Generation X
June Cleavers and Clark Gables don't fit the bill
Neither do the superwomen or emasculated figures
Fit us
This era, or an aging generation named X
Goes still unknown
Finding no true image, no role, no place
For solid identity
We fit wherever society tells us
Like clothes that don't fit
We bust the seams and feel...
Uncomfortable
Maybe the most impassioned generation yet to come
But also the most directionless as well
What is our purpose?
Where are we really going with all of this?
We're not content with complacency
And all we know how to do
Is look for more
We can do anything for intelligence is limitless
But what is the point of having all the tools
Without any direction?
An upside down kingdom still seems to be the only solution
To an emotionally, mentally, and spiritually nomadic people
Never tied down, but often aimless, or at best just getting bye
We search looking for pleasure in the quickest sense
To forget the pang
The need for You...
Neither do the superwomen or emasculated figures
Fit us
This era, or an aging generation named X
Goes still unknown
Finding no true image, no role, no place
For solid identity
We fit wherever society tells us
Like clothes that don't fit
We bust the seams and feel...
Uncomfortable
Maybe the most impassioned generation yet to come
But also the most directionless as well
What is our purpose?
Where are we really going with all of this?
We're not content with complacency
And all we know how to do
Is look for more
We can do anything for intelligence is limitless
But what is the point of having all the tools
Without any direction?
An upside down kingdom still seems to be the only solution
To an emotionally, mentally, and spiritually nomadic people
Never tied down, but often aimless, or at best just getting bye
We search looking for pleasure in the quickest sense
To forget the pang
The need for You...
Random Thoughts on "The Scene"...
Years back, while I was in missions training, I remember discovering a funny and pithy phrase to describe the dating scene. By dating scene, I don't mean speed dating or your mom trying to hook you up with her girlfriend's son/daughter (You know, the one who actual makes your stomach turn at the thought). The phrase was "having your feelers out." By "feelers" the guy who coined it meant that it was obvious you were looking for someone. You know, the small talk that people start off with or maybe they'll ask you about your spiritual giftings and your calling in a first conversation if they're the super spiritual type. And if they like you, they want you to "pray" about it before moving on. Like they want you to seek God as to if they're "the one" before they've really given you enough time to get to know them. Note to the wise, if someone's not into you, praying about it isn't going to change that either. Yeah, I've gotten the "just pray about it" when I've kindly told someone I just wasn't interested. I've even experienced crazy things like being proposed to after someone knowing me just for two weeks! They were dead serious and apparently they had a "vision" that I was their wife.
Anyways, I don't know why it is that we can tend to throw out good common sense in the area of dating. Personally, I don't believe in dating just for the sake of dating. If I'm going to date someone, it's because I see that they have the potential of being a serious part of my life and maybe even my husband down the road. I think that's one of the main things that separates the Christian dating scene with that of others. Most of us don't want to date just for the sake of dating, it doesn't sit well with our spirit or our conscience.
So where's the healthy balance between spirituality and good common sense? I'll be honest, I'm still really figuring this out myself and I don't know how to answer this question. God needs to be the center, but I don't want someone or myself to get caught up on cloud 10,000 prematurely. Common sense is great, but it doesn't match-up to what God says; but still that doesn't mean that it should be thrown out the window.
The only thing that seems to make consistent sense is that when your heart, mind, and spirit are at peace then that's the best place to be - regardless of relationship status. And if one of those is out of wack, then it's important to do what's necessary to find that complete peace that He can provide. Until then, we'll all just have our "feelers" out trying to figure out what's out there; but never really tapping into it and understanding the entirety of His will and purpose for today or understanding the brevity of that arena.
Anyways, I don't know why it is that we can tend to throw out good common sense in the area of dating. Personally, I don't believe in dating just for the sake of dating. If I'm going to date someone, it's because I see that they have the potential of being a serious part of my life and maybe even my husband down the road. I think that's one of the main things that separates the Christian dating scene with that of others. Most of us don't want to date just for the sake of dating, it doesn't sit well with our spirit or our conscience.
So where's the healthy balance between spirituality and good common sense? I'll be honest, I'm still really figuring this out myself and I don't know how to answer this question. God needs to be the center, but I don't want someone or myself to get caught up on cloud 10,000 prematurely. Common sense is great, but it doesn't match-up to what God says; but still that doesn't mean that it should be thrown out the window.
The only thing that seems to make consistent sense is that when your heart, mind, and spirit are at peace then that's the best place to be - regardless of relationship status. And if one of those is out of wack, then it's important to do what's necessary to find that complete peace that He can provide. Until then, we'll all just have our "feelers" out trying to figure out what's out there; but never really tapping into it and understanding the entirety of His will and purpose for today or understanding the brevity of that arena.
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