Poem: An Honest Past

When the surface shakes
How everything can rise to the surface
The beautiful along with the painful
How quickly she turned
Without reason, pack your things you're going
Seven hours away to your alcoholic father
How she called me a whore among other names
Before I had ever even kissed a boy
Cold water on my head while sleeping
Get the HELL out of bed and do the dishes!
Left and lost on the side of the street in a new area
Abandoned for a reason I didn't know why
How a cross was torn from my neck
A year into faith and told how I wasn't worthy of wearing such a sign
How her suicide was threatened
When help with student loans for college was asked
How a dog was more important
Than being able to see my own family in a northern state
How recently Thanksgiving was relinquished
For being too busy and forgetting to send a sympathy card
Many holidays abandoned to make the best with friends or extended family
How I was disowned
For things small and big, many lacking any logical sense
By a woman I know as my mother
There are things one wishes they could hide
As I've tried only to say positive things about a woman I do love
So others won't judge or hold the things I cannot change against
But yet, these things and many others from the same source have affected me
Many instances I've moved on from while others still hurt
A residue from these things still rests in me that I didn't see before
Break the cycle I do currently seek
So these things no longer hurt
How I hate that I can't come to you or anyone
Perfectly polished and flawless
How hard I've tried to love perfectly
Yet how short I fall
But I will strive for a positive future
While seeking to further mend the darkness of my past
Grace, gentleness, and patience will I be grateful for
In this healing season...